On the day I was going, everything that could have stopped me from going happened knowing the type of person I am I would have stopped. Well I continued thinking "risks equals reward" maybe am just being insecure, also am getting older biological clock is ticking. In my head, and he does really get me, he was able to keep up a conversation with me about almost any topic I would bring up. Everybody keep saying your standards is too high, it's unrealistic you going to die an old miserable woman you need to slacken up they say. I can go on-on.
On my way home tears falling down now and again, I felt like scales were fallen off my eyes. I realized what had happen, I literally felt scales.I reached home I was crying my mom was upset she did not speak to me for two weeks.I was not in church because I had to work the weekend and the following so no one really saw me. My mom started to speak to me and tell me that it happen to her and so forth, she too did not report anything. I did not report it because I was on his territory, and the fact that we we dating or whatever it was called.
Growing up I had a fear for being rapped, and I hated men, I would talk to them, but they were just disgusting in my sight however that was breaking and it did broke I was able to communicate to them and be around them by force sometimes, like events church etc I was able to free myself from that though of course with the help of Jehovah.
I always use to hear, what you fear can happen to you. I did not want to lose my virginity like that. I wanted to get married and have a family, with a dog a goldfish and two birds so they wont be alone. okay that is just some humor.
I let my supervisor at work know and another co worker because they knew I was speaking to this person and so forth they had there thought and opinion on it, report it or don't report it etc I did not report it. Writing it is not a report to convict but to set free those that have been through situation like this and to let the offender know that, living that way of life is not worth living, for the end results of a life not turn around to God is everlasting punishment. God has a better life for you know matter the circumstance and what you have done.
To the victims I know it is hard, I know about trauma attacks in the night, can't sleep, flash backs and thinking about lots of other things. I wanted to die, but not kill my self though, go through hell here and have to spend an eternity of more hell, I don't think so. You may say am afraid of hell, you got it right! Hell is real!
You may say am talking about forgiveness; it was the only way I knew how to move on, it hurts the scars will be there but you got to move on and to do so you have to forgive.
I was mad, furious and becoming bitter and a realist in spite of my relationship with God.
I had the Holy spirit was he directing me well you should know, it' all here well just some of the things I have dream and experience with Him The Holy Spirit He is real. Was I paying attention to some yes but compromise will always lead you to a road of discomfort, failures and all the rest dissatisfactions in life. Colossians was very helpful to me in the mental challenges started in from chapter one on wards.
This is for you that you can know in spite of you challenges God loves you. In spite of wars and rumors of wars God loves you. In spite of famine, destruction, racism, prejudice, killing and fighting plenty money or no money God loves you. In spite of your religion God loves you. He does not wish that anyone should perish but all come to eternal life
John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
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